Coping with Fear: A Journey Through Health Challenges
Facing the Reality of Relapse
In 2021, a daunting reality emerged after a lengthy decade of remission from leukemia: the illness had returned. Such relapses are uncommon, and the prognosis was unsettling, leading to an overwhelming sense of vulnerability and the thought, “I might die this time.” However, this experience was coupled with considerable personal growth and introspection, allowing for a shift in mindset regarding potential future health crises.
Creative Practices as Tools for Resilience
During a subsequent bone marrow transplant, the author transformed the fear that typically paralyzed individuals in such circumstances into a source of creativity. Experiencing temporary vision impairment due to medication prompted a shift to imaginative outlets like journaling through voice memos and creating watercolors. In moments apart from loved ones, such as during hospital stays, the connection was maintained through newly composed lullabies. An additional, whimsical act involved decorating a walker with colorful rhinestones, turning a symbol of limitation into a source of joy, even eliciting compliments from onlookers.
The Long Road of Recovery
Although the transplant was successful, the reality of being in a state of ongoing treatment loomed large. The uncertainty felt akin to living under a metaphorical sword of Damocles. This sense of impending doom often complicates the ability to truly engage with life, as fear can distort perceptions of positive experiences and stifle personal development.
Tackling Everyday Fears
Upon returning home post-transplant, a moment of panic arose when the author spotted something dark and mouse-like in their closet. Initially assuming the worst, a friend confirmed that what had been thought to be a rodent was simply a pouch of patchouli. This humorous revelation catalyzed a more profound confrontation with the fear of mice through clinician-directed exposure therapy, leading to a significant transformation in perspective.
From Fear to Acceptance
Through therapy, the author learned to view mice not as threats but as an inescapable part of urban life. While still preferring assistance from trusted friends, a newfound confidence emerged—should mice return, the author felt equipped to handle the situation without resorting to panic.
